Unexpected Breakthroughs: Navigating Power Dynamics When a Child Tapes Your Mouth Shut
In this episode, I address a question from Holly in Virginia about a challenging play therapy session with a 5-year-old child who has a significant trauma background. The child duct-taped Holly’s mouth shut during the session, raising questions about setting limits and handling power and control dynamics in the playroom.
I discuss why this situation didn’t warrant setting a limit, as it didn’t violate safety concerns for the therapist, child, or playroom items. I explain how to handle similar situations where children try to silence the therapist, emphasizing the importance of continued verbal engagement while respecting the child’s need for control.
I also address how to approach aggressive play directed at the therapist, outlining the six questions we use to determine if a limit is necessary. Finally, I share Holly’s follow-up email, which reveals a significant breakthrough in her relationship with the child, highlighting how unexpected moments in play therapy can lead to valuable therapeutic progress.If you would like to ask me questions directly, check out www.ccptcollective.com, where I host two weekly Zoom calls filled with advanced CCPT case studies and session reviews, as well as member Q&A. You can take advantage of the two-week free trial to see if the CCPT Collective is right for you.
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Navigating Power Dynamics in Play Therapy: When a Child Tapes Your Mouth Shut
In child-centered play therapy, we often encounter situations that challenge our understanding of limits and control. Today, we’re addressing a question from Holly in Virginia about a unique session with a 5-year-old child who has a significant trauma background, particularly neglect.
The Scenario: Duct Tape and Silence
Holly described a session where the child found duct tape in her office, asked for a piece, and proceeded to put it over her mouth. The child sternly told her not to talk for the remainder of the session, regularly reminding her while still interacting in non-aggressive ways.
To Set a Limit or Not?
Holly’s supervisor, who uses more directive theories, insisted that she should have set boundaries and not allowed this behavior. However, Holly remembered the principle that limits are only needed when the child is unsafe, the therapist is unsafe, or something in the office is unsafe.
Understanding the Situation
This scenario is similar to when children order us not to talk, shush us, or tell us to shut up. The duct tape added a physical element to a common power play in the playroom.
The Six Questions for Setting Limits
When deciding whether to set a limit, we consider six questions:
- Is the child safe?
- Am I (the therapist) safe?
- Are the toys or playroom at risk of damage?
- Is this limit necessary?
- Can I consistently enforce this limit?
- If I allow this behavior to continue, can I still accept the child?
In this case, none of the safety concerns were violated, and Holly could still accept the child. Therefore, setting a limit wasn’t necessary.
Strategies for Engagement
Even when children try to silence us, it’s crucial to continue verbal engagement. Here’s how:
- Loosen the tape enough to speak, if physical tape is used.
- Slow down the pace of responses and speak more quietly.
- Reflect and acknowledge the child’s desire for us not to talk.
- Explain the ‘why’ behind our talking (e.g., “When I say what I see you doing, that’s so you know I’m paying attention”).
- Test the waters periodically by trying to engage verbally again.
The Importance of Verbal Engagement
As therapists, we can’t do our job if we’re silent. Children need our verbal engagement for several reasons:
- To feel that we’re engaged, not just watching.
- To receive therapeutically valuable responses.
- To build rapport and connection.
Handling Aggressive Play Directed at the Therapist
When dealing with aggressive play or power control directed at us, we still use the six questions to determine if a limit is needed. Personal comfort levels with aggressive play may vary among therapists, but the decision to set a limit should always be based on these questions.
A Surprising Turn of Events: Holly’s Follow-Up
Holly provided an update on subsequent sessions with this child. In the next session, the child immediately taped her mouth again. About 10 minutes in, the child hurt himself and needed a band-aid. Holly removed the tape to help him, then put it back on. This act of nurturing seemed to shift something for the child. He chose to remove the tape from Holly’s mouth. Their puppet play changed from fighting each other to being on the same team.
In following sessions, he hasn’t tried to silence her again, and their rapport has grown exponentially.
The Therapeutic Value of Unexpected Moments
This turn of events highlights how unplanned moments in play therapy can lead to significant breakthroughs. The nurturing act of helping the child while he was bleeding seemed to create a shift in their relationship dynamics.
The Power Shift: From Opposition to Alliance
The change in their play from fighting against each other to being on the same team represents a crucial shift in the therapeutic relationship. This transition from the therapist being seen as a “foe” to an “ally” is a common and important development in play therapy.
Holly’s experience demonstrates the complex dynamics at play in child-centered therapy. By allowing the child to have control over the tape while still finding ways to engage, she created an environment where the child could work through his need for control and eventually form a collaborative relationship.
This case reminds us of the importance of patience, understanding, and flexibility in play therapy. Sometimes, the most challenging moments can lead to the most significant breakthroughs in building trust and rapport with our young clients.
